Making the Best of it...

So, i've kind of been having a hard time, perhaps a mild depression (not real serious) but i could not get out of having negative feeling, thoughts, or just plain feeling unappreciated and like i couldn't accomplish anything. I just felt like i couldn't smile or laugh. (I know, like my mom always tells me if nothing else gets done, the laundry will wait, the house cleaning will still be there its most important to care for my kids.) But once those feelings come, they are hard to get rid of without giving in to woe is me. Of course i love my kids to death and wouldn't trade them for the world, but Lizzy has been going through another tantrum spell, mostly in the middle of the night, so i have a serious lack of sleep. My usual angel baby has been sick with a bad chest cold and I need my angel baby to keep me sane. He has wanted to be held constantly, hasn't slept well, another contribute to my sleep deprivation. (actually it is 5 in the morning and i am up with him cause he won't sleep....see blog title) So I finally had enough and had my breaking point, prayed, went to the temple and then watching Monk of all things and the character Randy, one of the cops, was talking about an epiphany he had when he saw a bumper sticker that read," Happiness is a Choice" (of course i've heard this idea before, but I know Heavenly Father is guiding us and knows when we need to hear things again) It just hit me hard, So with praying to have a desire to change and trying to make that choice everyday, or 10 times a day, i feel i am doing much better. Happiness is a Choice and its not always easy with everyday life, when i look at my house everyday and see a TON of things to fix, clean, organize, and attend to. Or when my kids are screaming, whining, complaining, crying(and i don't know what to do to help). Or when my hubby is gone long hours, and its not easy I can still be happy, and Smile. And here are some pics from the month:

So hard to believe these to cuties are anything but that!Lizzy with her cousins- Always having a good time together.

We like to call them the OREO!

My little flower princess for Halloween, actually turned into a butterfly princess, (i think cause she didn't want to hold the flower.

Lizzy even won the cupcake in the cake walk at our ward Halloween party. She LOVES frosting.Oh and her mom won best chili! (sorry don't ask for the recipe, i've been swore to secrecy with it- unless you beg then i may give in)

Mom- a hawaiian dancer, of something, its what i had and Caleb my little all-star baseball player. Notice his glove, its a teething ring. I actually lost this for a couple weeks before Halloween and was so sad, i have to admit i prayed where to find it, i didn't think i was gonna find it and finally a few hours before the party i 'remembered' to look in the pool bag...there it was.

My mom is the greatest, i love her visits, she is so good with my kiddos, Here she is dancing with Lizzy. We even had a great girls trip (my mom, sister, and I) to Laguna Beach for the night. It was awesome, but another post, and i need to get pics from my mom!

Finally my two sweet (when they want) kids, we often sit outside and enjoy the nice San diegan weather. It is a blessing i admit, i hate to be cold. And this pic was october, but even last night, nov, it was so nice, i cut some rose bushes and the kids played. the only crazy thing is it drops 20 degrees within days or sometimes over night. it is a little hard to acclimate to but, i'll take it over all you people out there freezing in snow and wind.

Alright, 3 hours later, Lizzy bumping the keyboard and turning my screen off, thank goodness for autosave, and i finished this post, Caleb still has something going on, i keep expecting teeth, but we'll see. When Caleb gets upset, Lizzy is usually close behind. I admit i lost it again this morning, so it is obviously a continual battle, but anything worth having is worth working for right! HAPPINESS and DETERMINATION!

Hope you are all well, I know we all have struggles and issues we usually hide from the world, but sometimes it helps to talk or write it out. So Thanks to my hubby for letting me talk it out with him and Thanks to you that read this long post for your support. I know i'm not the best and keeping up with all you friends and family out there, but i cherish our friendships and the times we do and have spent together. They make Happy Memories for me! Thanks And thanks to a loving Father in Heaven that knows me and is providing comfort for me, and a beautiful knowledge of the importance of temples, making good choices, and the perspective the gospel gives me about this life and the life to come. With all these things I will make it and I WILL be Happy!