Well i just sat down and felt like i needed to write a post. I haven't quite decided how dedicated i am to posting on my blog, but i don't keep a journal either, so i figure i need to have some recollection of thoughts, feelings, and about my family as we are today. So i guess thats why i felt a need to write some stuff. First off, fair warning, i've had a long week (long hours) with my sweet kids and am at the end of my patience rope. I've snapped a few times, which i know is normal, but i feel bad doing it, but sometimes i feel like i can't control my need to get the frustration i feel out of my body. But after i do yell, or throw my tantrum, i look at my kids and they are either scared of what i did and start crying more from their need to feel love, or they look hurt. When i watch other people treating their kids badly, i have to admit i do judge and think i would never do that. (granted i never would in public, but i often think of this after i do something not so nice at home.) Thankfully kids are very forgiving and loving. They easily love me again soon! I do recognize I have the hardest and most rewarding job, although rewarding is in the times i get to see them learn and grow, not necessarily because I think they have the slightest idea how much time and energy i put toward them. Although as i've had my quiet moments of feeling used and taken advantage of, I think of my mom, and how I did this to her to. So THANK YOU MOM for everything you did for me whether i knew it or not. I know i was blessed to have you for my mom. And someday my kids will understand these feeling to when they are parents. (although only the girls will really understand the mom thing) not discounting my hubby or dads at all, because i could not do it with out mine. I'm so grateful he works hard so we can have the things we need)) but I'm talking about the all day, everyday with the kids thing right now.
So last weekend my parents came to visit and they took my kids for the night, so CJ and i got a hotel and stayed in san diego for the night. We went to El Torito for dinner, and watched 'Unknown" and SLEPT IN, and was not woken by kids in the night. We even had tickets to see BYU and SDSU. Everything was perfect, and BYU even won, so that topped it off. We had a great getaway! Then we enjoyed a nice weekend with my parents when we got back. My sister is getting married, so we looked around for places to have her wedding. My kids just adore my parents and had so much fun chasing, playing, and bugging grandma and grandpa. It was so nice to see them want someone besides me to play with. Oh how i wish they lived closer! Caleb is even a very big momma's boy and he adores my mom and would go everywhere with her, he even followed grandpa around which is huge! So, it was kinda like post vacation this week. We had such a great weekend, then this week has been long and painful trying to get back to normal life. We also got colds which has not helped at all!
I guess to top off the week, my 30th birthday is tomorrow. I'm not sure if this tops off the bad week or will start a good week.... I'll just leave it at that for now.
The kids are just growing leaps and bounds. 5 and almost 2. So hard to believe how fast time has gone. We kind of want more kids in the long run, but i just don't know if i can handle more than 2 crazy, dramatic, and energetic kids. I'm open to advice????
Well, I'll leave some pics to enjoy..
My family that makes it all worth it.
My kiddos wishing Gma Mary farewell as she leaves for her mission.
I helped throw a baby shower and attempted my first diaper cake, Lizzy liked it so much, she made her own, i helped a little but she rolled each diaper on her own, and got sticks to keep it together and of course found the toys. I was really impressed she stuck to it, because i really wasn't encouraging it, as i was trying to get ready for the party.
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5 comments:
what a fun weekend for you and cj! horray for grandparents!
being a mom is soooo much harder than i ever thought. especially now that kids are starting to grow up, with emotions and feelings and it is crazy how much they watch and learn....... ya know. i am sure your a great mom. it really is crazy how much our mom's did for us and we didn't realize at the time, it's amazing. hang in there! i wish i was closer and could come take the kiddos off your hands for an afternoon!
1st off happy belated!! 30 rocks the house so I think it will all change from here on out!! :) Ha!
I think it is so up to you and the Lord how many kids to have so do lots of praying...but I definitely understand the overwhelmed feeling. I have heard of people doing it in shifts--having 2 kids now and then maybe 2 more after the first two are older and more capable of doing things for themselves & not so needy. just typing that sounds less overwhelming :)
you are not alone in losing it with your kids, feeling like a bad mom and not always knowing what to do about it (and i don't even have a little girl--i've heard that's 1000 times the emotional roller coaster!!) i remember crying to my mom on my first mothers day thanking her for all she did for me. you truly have no idea until you have kids of your own the amount of things your parents, especially moms do for you.
love your diaper cake. hang in there. i want to come down there on o's 2 week spring break--i will keep you posted if i can make it happen.
love you.
this is heidi...not beau's work :)
Lacey,
How funny that a friend told you about bloom and it turned out to be me and emily! love that small mormon world!
hope you had a happy birthday! i cannot even believe we are 30 this year!
xo
anne
Happy belated birthday Lacey! I miss you! I've always appreciated who you are as a person. You were always so inspiring to me. I really do appreciate your honesty! I can't tell you how much I love it when people are honest and not fake. There once was a time (many) when I judged other parents on how they discipline their kids and then I became a mom. Yah, I don't judge so harshly anymore. Girls can be REALLY hard sometimes or like everyday! Don't beat your self up for disciplining your kids!About how many kids to have often ask the same question like everyday, but i agree with heidi it's up to you, your spouse and the Lord. Don't get discouraged if your kids are being a poop stain or you lose it once in a while. I'm so glad that you and CJ got to have a getaway:)
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